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STONERS UNITE! The Dirty Secrets of Digimon!

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This really has nothing to do with anything... [May. 16th, 2005|12:11 pm]
STONERS UNITE! The Dirty Secrets of Digimon!

[mood |aggravatedaggravated]
[music |The thong song]

Reilon: Ok, if anyone has the answer, I will e-mail you a sexy digimon icon for your user picture! And here it is... Why the hell does the dub of 01 and 02 change Taichi's name from Yagami Taichi to Tai Kamiya? WHY, I ask you!! Maybe because "Yagami" spelled backwards is "imagay" If you get that... yeah... Well, it's living proof of Taito or Yamachi. I prefer Taito for some reason, more like the fact that Yamato is cuter when he's submissive. But, anywho, please answer me!! I'm confuzzled.
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TAAAAKKKKEEERRRUUU!!! *cough* [May. 7th, 2005|10:56 pm]
STONERS UNITE! The Dirty Secrets of Digimon!

[mood |groggygroggy]

Hi all! I'm weird, what's your tail? Blue. Erm...what do you mean I'm incoherent? Like anyone cares. Oh shit, they do. Fuck, fuck, FUCK! Well I have something important to say so swallow your cologne another time. It's about the lovely, the psychopathic, the clairvoyant (or should be anyway) Kouji. Yay, let's throw confetti!

Now that that's over with it's time we get onto a serious matter:
Minamoto Kouji is not some sort of heterosexual uke love bunny. Actually, it's impossible for a straight guy to be an uke because that's a yaoi term. But the point remains that he is not a submissive teddy bear, dammit! Why does everyone insist on portraying him as a stuttering wuss? It might be interesting if he weren't always on the bottom. People, honestly, Kouji...KOUJI! Sorry, I think I get it now. You're getting the twins confused, silly you. Kouji is the one we see at the beginning of the series and Kouichi is the overly adorable stalker guy. Ha ha ha. Now go fix your stories to include this detail.

P.S. Kouji is NOT in love with Izumi!
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the one, the only, THE ELEVETOR THEORY!!! [May. 3rd, 2005|08:11 pm]
STONERS UNITE! The Dirty Secrets of Digimon!

[mood |confusedjeez, what happened while I w]
[music |Because I was High- Afroman]

Ok, so I didn't find it. But, lucky for my ass's sake, I had a bit of it typed out. Realize that I am on a major hunt for this journal, and my shoes suddenly smell like dryer lint. Where did that come from? Well, they do. Weird. Ok so.... after this ::short:: trial excerp, I will explain to you the Infamous ELEVATOR THEORY! Ok, so, here we go!

“Your Honor,” began Jyou, getting to his feet. “We are here to present to you the case—-your Honor?”
Yagami Taichi, the judge, was busy doing tricks with a shiny red yo-yo, and didn’t notice that someone was addressing him until a law book flew through the air and pegged him on the head. He did notice then. “What do you want from me?” he cried, ducking behind the dais. “I swear I didn’t mean to steal the chicken! It was just sitting there next to the ketchup! It was taunting meee!! Here, I’ll regurgitate it!” He was just in the process of sticking his fingers down his throat when Yamato chucked the courtroom’s bible at him. “OW!”
“Can we get on with this, Taichi?” he snapped. “We need to get Takeru behind bars!”
“Ok, sure, can do! Bailiff--!” began Tai, but he was suddenly interrupted.
“No! I have the right to a fair trial!” retorted Takeru, sticking his tongue at Yamato and blowing him a raspberry.
“That’s why we’re here, you rape artist!” shouted Yamato.
“I am not a rape artist!”
“If I believed that for a second, Taichi wouldn’t be dressed as a judge!”
“He’s not.” Everyone glanced at Tai, and, sure enough, he was dressed in the same clothes he’d worn the day before. “So I win.”
“Tai, I told you to change clothes!” whined Yamato. “Those are the same clothes you wore to my place last night!”
“Nuh uh!” argued Tai. “These are your pants! …and your boxers too, I think.” He disappeared behind the stand, then re-appeared a minute later. “Yup! These are yours!”
Then Reilon lost the story. Flame me if you will, I AM SO SORRY!! But, on a better note, The Infamous Kitty-Chiu and Reilon Imura wish to introduce to whatever readers are out there... THE ELEVATOR THEORY! This is a theory for Digimon: Frontier, so you kinda have to see the series to get it. Anywho...

When Takuya dove through the elevator doors, he purposely pressed the 'close door' button to keep Kouichi away from Kouji. You see, Takuya was madly in love with Kouji, and knew that Kouichi could do nothing but come between the little nothing they already had. So, in desire to spread the truth, we list the TRUTH below...

POPULAR BELIEF: Kouichi fell down the stairs.
EDITED: He was drunk.
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: Takuya put axel grease on the stairs so Kouichi would slip.

POPULAR BELIEF: Kouji is cold and aloof
EDITED: He is a mentally unstable psychopath murderer

EDITED: rape

EDITED: Hot lemon shonen-ai
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: Takuya stalked Kouichi, who stalked Kouji. Takuya got Kouji tripped on some sort of acid and raped him. ^^

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: It's Kagome in a Digimon form

POPULAR BELIEF: Junpei preforms magic tricks
EDITED: Avada Kedavra!
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: He can pull rabbits out of other people's... (use your imagination)

POPULAR BELIEF: Kouji would never have helped Kouichi if Takuya hadn't pushed him to do so.
EDITED: Kouji was stoned again.
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: Takuya wanted Kouji to kill Kouichi.

POPULAR BELIEF: Cherubimon decieved Kouichi
EDITED: Kouichi was drunk
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: Cherubimon was a circus hypnotist hired by Takuya to trick Kouichi.


Reilon-san: Ok, that's about it for now. PLEASE, people, I don' wanna sound desparate, but I need some comments, flames, whatever on this! I NEED IDEAS!! No, seriously, there's got to be at least 1 person out there who thinks Kouji is a stoner. Or Kouichi as a drunk. (no, seriously, the way he fell down the stairs... drunkard.)
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(no subject) [Apr. 27th, 2005|08:44 am]
STONERS UNITE! The Dirty Secrets of Digimon!

[mood |crushedcrushed]
[music |dawn of the dead]

Reilon: (singing) I'm sorry... so sorry... But I must say... Kitty, you're brilliant! You found it! ...(sobs hystarically) I'M SO DAMN SORRY!!! I LOST THE TAKERU ON TRIAL STORY!!!! ALL 10 FUCKING PAGES!!!!!! I shame myself! MY LIFE HAS BEEN A WASTE!!!!!! More to come asap. But I will leave a list of where I think it may be...

1. on the retard bus
2. in the bay window
3. behind my bed.
4. behind my door
5. on my bed
6. on my door (how'd it get there?)
7. in the couch (0_o?)
8. in the kitchen
9. up your ass and around the corner
10. right under my nose under an invisibility cloak.
11. Elsewhere
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Good morning, bitch! [Apr. 26th, 2005|07:06 pm]
STONERS UNITE! The Dirty Secrets of Digimon!

[mood |ditzyditzy]

I found it. You know you can't keep these things from me, Reilon-san. If you would be so kind to look at my icon you would see the only two characters from Frontier I really give a shit about. Well, there is Takuya but it's a bad type of shit giving so it doesn't count. Why don't I go over Adventure theories then?

Random Theories:
*Every character in 02 is OOC
Let's face it people, 02 messed up the entire Adventure series. Koushiro has better things to do than finding someone who will marry him and his computer. Taichi has half a brain and gave up his sacred goggles. It's WRONG! Yamato doesn't have an angsty bone in his body, Hikari acts like a whore, people like Mimi, Sora doesn't spend half of her days complaining about her crest, Takeru acts like an adult (this is to be expected with age but still...) and he kicked Ken's ass. Then we have Jou who does not run into random accidents like they're Starbucks. Toei, Toei, why hath thou forsaken thee?

*Taichi has never gotten a hair cut...EVER
Do I really need to explain? I do? Ok, fine. Tai's hair is a forest.


Agumon: His secret identity is Gabumon, don't tell anyone though. It's supposed to be a secret and I will be pounded into the wall if I tell.

Armadimon: Living proof that not all things cute have good singing voices.

Cherrymon: Better known as "King Prick". Remember him, plotting against both Yamato and Taichi. You make Gabumon sad.

Etemon: Elvis magically trapped in a monkey suit.

Gabumon: A cute fluffy bunny. Possibly closer to Yamato than anyone else on the show. Should we be scared?

Gennai: An old man who assits Koushiro in finding ecchi sites. Perhaps he could just be a wise and all-knowing...nah!

Gomamon: Addicted to caffeine. Whoever matched up the digimon with the humans was drunk on this one but he makes for good comic relief.

Goth TK: From the old LTOI, he is the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Hawkmon: The only male digimon with a female chosen. This and his voice are a few of the many things that make him seem just like a stereotypical gay man.

Hida Iori: That boring kid with the bowl cut, suspected by many to be some sort of evil monster.

Ichijouji Ken: The former Digimon Kaiser. He had quite the fit when Wormmon died. Ken feels guilty about his brother's death and lights incense spreading the ashes of doves over the fires and a jug of oil in mourning...or he could be trying to get himself killed.

Inoue Miyako: Likes all hot guys, except Yama that is, which is why I question her.

Ishida Masaharu: Yamato and Takeru's father. He spends the vast majority of his life at work and so Yamato does all the cooking, cleaning, etc. If he isn't chugging vodka I would like to be told just why this is so.

Ishida Yamato: Sexy, angsting bitch with a band. Is NOT an astronaut and is NOT an uke. He's probably doing something-or-other with Taichi. ;)

Izumi Koushiro: Spends all day on his computer looking up some sort of hentai. May be in love with this computer.

Kido Jou: Jou is allergic to EVERYTHNIG. He is also paranoid but this isn't always a bad thing considering the events of each and every episode of the show.

Kido Shin: Jou's brother. Reilon confuses him with Harry Potter.

Kido Shuu: Jou's older oniisan who was cut out of the dub. I have no idea why.

Micheal: Some dork Mimi drags to the digital world in a drunken stupor. His digimon is Seadramon. Now what does that say about this guy?!

Motomiya Daisuke: The goggle/panty thief because we all know Tai would never give his goggles up without a fight. Probably has the hots for Taichi but no one ships that so we'll stick him with Ken.

Numemon: The worst thing to get in the first game. Numemons all seem to want to bang Mimi senseless. Did I mention that they eat poop?

Motomiya Jun: Yamato's stalker. She knows where he is at any given moment due to a tracking chip she planted in his brain. Obviously doesn't know Garurumon.

Palmon: A plant that was unrooted form the ground in a random hurricane. Disguises as a flower. to hide from Mimi's horny claws

Patamon: Patamon is the bat pig. I don't like him that much. He's too overrated and too delicious to be around much longer.

Piyomon: Sora's transsexual bondage slave. I say transsexual due to the fact that Piyomon is a she then a he-she then he. Has one of the worst VA's in dub history.

Seadramon: I condem thee to a firey death!

Tachikawa Mimi: The girl with the funny hat who is obsessed with all things pink. She's not nearly as bad as she seems but her interests are questionable.

Tailmon: Tailmon amazed the world by not dancing around Vandemon's grave. She got even more attention during that infamous bitchfight that seems to give even snails the horn.

Takaishi Natsuko: Yamato and Takeru's MILF of a mother.

Takaishi Takeru: Supposedly pure but "crotches" far too often to be human. Could be in a relationship with pretty much anyone in the show.

Takenouchi Sora: A witch, literally. Alleged wife of Yamato. We assume this has something to do with those (drugged) cookies she gave him in 02. Note that she is personality-challenged. She is a seme but only because no one else will get things started.

Tentomon: Mechanical ladybug who confessed to loving Koushiro. Is currently being
questioned about this.

V-mon: Voted the world's most annoying creature from 2000-2003. Approach with caution.

Vandemon: He's a vampire who turns into a rat who spits babies out like well...spit.

Veggiemon: Likes to constrict things, you know, like Jou. Seems to gather around all the evil bastards in the show.

Wizardmon: He died for love. Wizardmon owns you. Keep in mind that I worship him and his "taco sauce". (stupid dubs)

Wormmon: Has the hots for Ken. 'Nuff said.

Yagami Hikari: Undergoes a curious transformation in between 01 and 02. Hikari starts as a sickly seer and then becomes a flashy bitch. This has yet to be explained.

Yagami Taichi: Wears goggles that may or may not cut off the blood supply to his brain. Is very attractive and very reckless. Friends say he "likes it rough".

Ugh...this is going to need a lot of updating. Why does Adventure have to have such a large cast?!
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What is this, you ask? [Apr. 26th, 2005|12:26 pm]
STONERS UNITE! The Dirty Secrets of Digimon!

[mood |awakeawake.. right. (falls asleep)]
[music |Butterfly]

Ok, I'll cut to the chase! Basically, this is where we reveal the truth about the characters on Digimon Frontier... and 01 and 02, once I finish watching 'em. All anti-yaoi people.. shoo! And all who hate yaoi, koukou, or blatant referances to drugs, smoking, sex, alcohol, stalkers, rapists, pimps and strippers... SHOOOOO!!! That's all that this community is about!! So,
(mystic fog)... ON TO THE THEORIZATION!!!

(the authoress, henceforth referred to as Reilon, steps out of a hell-hole vortex)

Reilon: Welcome! I'm Reilon, the authoress. My friend Kitty-Chiu will meet you shortly, once she finds this site. Or when I tell her. Now, my disclamer! These theories are just that... THEORIES! They, sadly, are in no way, shape, form, or physical form of art (that I know of) true. I do not own the anime Digimon. I DO own this idea, and a fanfiction for it shall appear shortly under the penname Azural God of Ferrets (at mediaminer.org). Now that we've cleared that up...

(Reilon goes back to hell, leaving behind a scrap of paper. It says):

"Hello again! Here are my theories on the characters of Digimon Frontier!:
Kanbara Takuya: He is a sexoholic stalker who is bent on having Kouji as his lover. He hates Kouichi with a flaming passion, and wants him dead. He hired Cherubimon to take Kouichi, AND he put axel grease on the stairs at Shibuya Station so his rival would slip (which he did!).

Minamoto Kouji: He's probably the biggest stoner since Ozzy Ozborne (sp?). He keeps a bag of marijuana and 'shrooms in his back pocket. I mean, honestly! Half the time he looks as if he's high! Him and Kouichi are my main pairing, but nothing ever will happen (yet) because Takuya keeps interrupting!

Shinbayama(sp) Junpei: We are not sure yet.

Orimoto Izumi: Runs around with Kouji and Kouichi voodoo dolls and is trying to play match-maker (the Ice-Devimon episodeCOUGH).

Himi Tomoki: annoying bitch with a hot Nii-san. 'nuff said.

Kimura Kouichi: a drunk. Likes anything that will have him drunk within 5 minutes or less. Seriously, the way he fell down the stairs (axel grease is forgotten), he must have been drunk!
I hope you have enjoyed this, my readers, and please, tell me your ideas too! (please no flames, or I will respond and have the time of my life doing so, and will also take this off open post.)"

PS: check out the following lj's for further shit like this:
all_seven_of_me (Reilon!)
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